What do you do when you wake up thinking everything will be better, except it's not.
And there's no worse feeling than when you wake up and feel okay for a minute and then that sick feeling washes over you and you remember it's not okay.

Something's gotta give me butterflies. 
Something's gotta make me feel alive. 
Something's gotta give me dreams at night. 
Something's gotta make me feel alright. 
I don't know where it is but something's gotta give.

Don't write pretty things.
This is ugly,
This is pain, this is beautiful.
This is how i feel, unedited and uncut.
Today i hurt, and tomorrow i hope.
This isn't a trend, this is me,
Writing to save.
Its all i have left now.

When I cry at night,
The only thing I can think to myself about is how I can seem so perfectly fine in the morning.
Why do I smile like nothing is wrong?
And how does not one single person notice that i'm not okay?...

For the sake of secrets, lets say I'm safe.
Lets say I got a hiding place.
Lets say I've made apologies, the hearts I've broken have been appeased.
Lets say the storm, like most, will pass.
Lets sing a song for relief at last.
Lets say that only time will tell if I'm really over being overwhelmed.
I've made mistakes.
They keep me company.
Oh man, what's up with me?
But I've changed, it's comforting.

she self destructs but you wouldn't know;
she does it to know that she has control over something;
she does it because no one was there for her;
but she hides so well

She finally came to realize that
She'd been living a lie all along.

i wish everyone didn't have such
high expectations of me because it's
bad enough i let myself down. i don't
need to let everyone else down too.

I just wanna make it through
one day where i wasn`t wearing
a fake smile && pretending i am
completely happy

never say things can't get worse
because life will prove you wrong.

I hate it when people tell me,
"I can't believe you don't have a boyfriend!"
Well what's so hard to believe?
I've never been good enough for anyone

she cries constantly but you can't tell why. because she hides it so well, you would never expect her to be one of those depressed girls. you all thought everything was perfect in her world. i guess you were all fooled by her cover up each day. she would always laugh and smile and jump around and play, sometimes she would try and open up to you guys and tell her story, but you never paid that much attention and never took it that seriously. you always tell her that she's smart, pretty, funny, and kind, of course, you also thought she was a bit weird and out of her mind. sometimes she is a bit dramatic and very loud, but she took it as a compliment and was very proud. she would always cheer you up when you're sad, she would do something nice so you wouldn't stay mad, she would always help in any way she can, she was the kind who wasn't scared to take a stand. because of how she acted, you never thought she'd be the one. never thought she would do what she had already done. no one never knew all the pain she felt inside, all the anger and hate she always try to hide. because no one never took the time to listen and get to know her, everyone lost someone who could make a change for the better

So when you see this smile on my face,
Please just don't question it.
Don't ask me if I am truly okay.
You might just make me break down in tears.

Dear God,
It's your little girl again, I have some things to say, You see this world were living in It isn't all that great, The bombs are dropping, The kids are starving, The women are slaving away, Children are crying, Teens are dieing. And our parents don't seem to care. Drugs are our gateway. Drinkings our only safe. Suicide rates are higher. But we still all say were okay. God I have some questions: Why aren't you stopping it? Why are we dying? Why are we just wasting away? Why can't we be okay? I'm crying out for help you see Lord. Please. H E L P

that's the worst, i think ;; when a secret stays
locked within not for want of a teller, but for
want of an understanding ear

have you ever felt completly and totally alone?
like the world is ignoring you,
everyone has turned the other way
no one cares anymore about how u feel
you're old news, they've moved on
they've found someone new

I used to cry to deal with my depression and feelings
but now I just smile when I'm sad
and cut myself when I'm alone...

He looked at me and said,
"Do you ever feel like you're working
for something you're never going to get.
You shoot and miss kind of deal
like, no matter what you can't have it,
but that makes you fight for it just a little bit more?"
I looked at him, stared at him for a second
and replied, "Everyday..."

so that's it.
I'm shutting my doors.
and putting my walls back up.
I'm closing my curtains
and removing the welcome mat.
I'm blocking everyone out again,
because it's so much easier than feeling something

She knew she had to be cautious, when speaking
to him again, for she had her heart on the line. &
with simply one wrong move, & she could surely
find herself falling for that boy all over again.

Maybe she just feels like she's never good enough.
Not a good enough friend,
Not a good enough girl,
Not a good enough sister, daughter,student, athlete.
And maybe she's just sick of trying.
Maybe she's sick of crying.

i need someone to tell me the truth
when i'm surrounded by people who
can't stop telling me lies.

and sometimes it just hits me, out of nowhere.
all of a sudden, this overwhelming sadness rushes
over me, and i get discouraged and i get upset.
and i feel hopeless, sad, and hurt, really hurt.
and once again, i become numb to the world.

she's banged up. mentally and emotionally.
literally and metaphorically. but every day
she walks outside with a smile on her face
because that's who she is

People hurt me... criticize me...
tell me I'm always wrong...
lie to me...
turn their backs on me time and time again...
kill me slowly
and then they wonder what my fucking problem is...

I'll laugh down the hallway,
I'll smile all through class.
I'll talk during lunch,
& do my homework at night.
I'll talk to everybody,
& I'll be happy throughout the day.
I'll fool everybody, cause
they wouldn't like me if they knew who I am

nobody noticed. it was like i never left.
i guess that`s the upside of not being there in the first place.
no one misses you when you`re gone.

we`re sad, & yeah, we always want our friends to know.
but whenever they ask that one question "are you okay?"
we always lie. "i`m fine," we say. i just wish someone would
look at my painted eyes and say "no, you`re not."

There comes a time in your life when you have to
keep your pain a secret, you cant risk anyone finding
out, and not even your best friend can know, you have to fight it yourself,
you cant get any help from anyone, you cant risk it....
You cant risk getting even more hurt...

I guess when you break it down, I'm just so afraid.
Afraid of life. Death. Love. Hate. Friendship.
I'm paranoid, I'm terrified,
and I'm such a teenage calamity.
And what scares me the most -
I don't think anybody notices.

Please don't act like you care.
You don't care, I know you don't,
You've watched me destroy myself for too long now,
If you really cared, you would have tried to stop it by now

They told me to find the girl i used to be.
I told them that girl doesn’t exist anymore.

All I wanted to do was collapse into
somebody's arms and cry today,
but nobody was there to catch me

yeah she's bleeding , but don’t blame it on a knife , the only thing thats cutting her is this little thing called life.

so you turn up the music
and try to block out the screams
you try to ignore your heart
as it crumbles and bleeds
the pain is too much
you can't take it anymore
and everytime you turn up the volume
you scream a little more

I`m at a stage in my life where I`m
having a hard time caring about things.
Fortunately, I don`t care.

That girl over there, she looks so strong.
That girl over there, pretends nothing is wrong.
That girl, she cries those crimson tears.
That girl, is forced to lie about her fears.
That girl, she barely can make it through the day.
That girl, doesn't understand how to pray.
That girl, all she wants is to be saved.
That girl, she wants to walk on streets of gold with Jesus,
not a street that is brick paved.
That girl, I know her farely well.
That girl, she's scared she's going to burn in hell.
That girl, She wishes you would open your eyes and see.
That girl, I must confess, that girl, well, she is me.

she self destructs but you wouldn't know;
she does it to know that she has control over something;
she does it because no one was there for her;
but she hides it ohh so well

Sometimes you just can't tell someone how you feel.
Not because you don't trust them, and you think
they'll think you're weird, but because you can never really
find the right words to make them understand.
It makes you fustrated. People take things 100 different ways,
and that's why it's so hard. But if what you're trying to say
is meant to be said, it will find a way to be understood.

Don't you get it?
no matter how many times you ask if im ok, its always going to be the same answer
im fine, im ok, im good
i can't tell you that im not ok
that answer would get old after a while
because you see...everytime you have asked if im ok, everytime i nodded and smiled
i lied

Tell me its just a phase, I dont want to
stay like this, cutting my wrists, Because
i know one of these days ill go too far,
So tell me its okay, i can make a new start.

just when you've had enough, life gives you more. And just when you think it's rained enough, it starts to pour.

her self esteem is low.
it seems the pain won't go.
she never feels good enough.
but everyone thinks this girl is tough

& as much as you hate to admit it,
theres an end to every friendship

And she'll continue to smile,
no matter how hurt she is.

This one's for
The one who dreams all day
Wishing that someone
Will just take them away
This one's for
The one who found their life long mate
But soon discovered
That being alone was their only fate
This one's for
The one whose heart beats black
Just because
They didn't like them back
This one's for
The one who wears long sleeves
To cover up the marks
Praying that no one sees
This one's for
The one who never cries
While thinking all day
How perfect it would be to die
This one's for
The one who lost their friends
Who said they be there always
And help them till the end
This one's for
The one who chose the knife
Thinking it would make things better
Hoping it would get them through this life
This one's for
The one who has no more tears
Because in their life
They've experienced all their fears
This one's for
The one who sits in the dark
Just so they can't see
Their arm and all the marks
This one's for
The one who wears a smile across their face
But deep down inside their dying
And dreaming of another place
This one's for
The one who lost their heart
All because someone lied
And tore it right apart
This one's for
The one who always dreams
Who dreams of a far away place
Where they can't hear the screams
This one's for the cutter
Who had no other way
But to choose the knife
To help them through each and every day

she swears there is nothing wrong;
but i hear her playing the same old song.

Sometimes ..
those who give advice are in need of it most

She's become self-destructive.
Hope you're proud of yourself now.

You can tell
From the scars on my arms
And the stains on my skirt
And the dents in my car
And the veins about to burst
That I'm not the carefullest of girls

Cover it up; it'll all be okay

suck in my stomach.
pinch my waist.
spend hours touching up my ugly face.
all these things i fucking do..
don't make a difference.
i'm not perfect enough for you.

Nothing is real
And I want you to know
That I'm not alright
When you tear open my chest
I'll try not to flinch
Won't make promises
You taught me that.
I'm still losing what's left of my self esteem

No more bleeding and crying
No more trying to hide
Because now you all can see
That I was already dead inside

You'll never know how many times I've cried.
How many cuts I hide.
How many times I wished I would die.

It's hard when people ask
"Whats Wrong?".. and you don't
have an answer because
the truth is you don't know

Leave your message on my arm.
Let the razor be your pen and my blood will be your ink.

you see me destroying myself
you see i want help, i need help.
but you don't do anything but sit
there and stare at me awkwardly.
i guess you aren't my best friend after all.

You live, you laugh,
you love, you learn.
You scream, you cry,
you crash, you burn.

I guess I'll bleed in silence

She's got nothing but shame,
she takes pills for pain,
she's got no one to blame

There's a part in everyday
where i lie to myself and say that it's okay,
'cause if i don't, i think i'll go insane.
But the truth is, i only have myself to blame.

I don't know who I am anymore.
 Or how I got here.
I miss who I used to be.

I'm sorry for not telling you the truth.
For lying.
I'm sorry for not telling you that inside i was dying.

Yes,
She has trust issues.
But if you were her,
You would too.

There, take this razor.
Here's my other arm.
Go ahead and write whatever you feel like.

And you can't stop me from falling apart
Cause my self-destruction is all your fault

Look how pretty she is,
when she falls down.
now there’s no beauty in bleeding mascara.
Lips are quivering Like a withering rose,
she’s back again.

++atreyu

(Bleeding Mascara)

I starve for you. I get so depressed I cut my arms up.
& I can't tell you how many nights I've spent crying myself to sleep
all because you notice her, not me.

When I pass you in the halls,
it seems like you hold her closer
and kiss her more.
Just because you know it kills me.

Oh you must be blind.
She's suffering and all alone.
The only thing keeping her going
Is the therapy coming through her headphones.

Oh, I'm sorry, did my back break your knife?

You looked so shocked when you saw my scars.
What, did you think I was strong enough to handle it?

Im sorry that i cant tell you,
i really want to i swear.
It's not that i dont trust you,
Im just afraid you wouldnt care.

Her friends lie to her.
Her parents just don't care.
And you wondered why she
loved her razor blade so much

I just wanna jump
Don’t wanna think about tomorrow
I just don’t care tonight
Don't care about my sorrow

You thikn I'm so tough
Just see what I do every night </3

Strength is nothing more than how well you hide the pain.

When you feel like giving up

Just remember why you held on for so long

When people say it hurts

to see you hurt yourself;;

[it's just their way taking your pain

andmaking it about them]

Welcome to a world where

people talk about each other

and everyone lies; everyone

tries to be something their not

nobody can keep a secret for their life

and friendships that lasted years

are broken. welcome to hell life.

she lived a murder

but she died a suicide

It wasn't a suicide attempt ;;

 it was an escape from everything awful.

When we cut, we control our own pain,
& we make it stop whenever we want.

Physical pain relieves mental angiush.

For that brief moment, the pain of cutting
is the only thing in the cutter's mind.

& when the others come back,

they're weaker.

I am just giving up and

shutting down.

I am just so sick of thinking

my head is broken

i am fucking lonley.

Gutted like a pig

all you want is the world to bleed

someone someplace stole your desire

if you try hard enough you can almost

taste her feel her breath on your skin

++atreyu

(ain't love grand)

You would rather bleed

than be without her;

your screams play in your empty room

++atreyu

(ain't love grand)

you coward

the next time you want

to fuck me over

stab me in the front

++atreyu

(deanne the arsonist)

can you taste my blood?

you knew that this would kill me

++atreyu

(deanne the arsonist)

there she goes again

another masquade false circumstance

++atreyu

(right side of the bed)

and i thank you for the scars

and the guilt and the pain

every tear i've ever cried

has sealed your fucking fate

did u take me for a fool?

++atreyu

(you eclisped by me)